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Don't Make These Cinnamon Rolls

cinnamon rolls

Now I am serious.  I can't be held responsible for what follows, because I warn you they are deadly...just look at the ingredients.  Cinn-ful.  Just making them makes you put on weight through your pores.  You think I am kidding, but look at this:

25 weeks

All cinnamon roll, I tell you.

However, I understand that you are a risk-taking crowd, thrill seekers and the like, so I will enable you.  When your family gathers for your intervention, you can blame me, I suppose.  But like McDonald's and their stupid "Caution: Hot Coffee" labels on their hot coffee, I will be absolved of all responsibility because, I told you so.

And so if your arteries spontaneously combust from the fat, a specialist cleaning crew has to be hired and you become a case study about the dangers of a high-fat diet in a tabloid magazine, please remember you were duly warned.


Ridiculously Bad for You Cinnamon Rolls


½ cup (120 ml) warm water

2 tablespoons yeast

1 tablespoon sugar

2 cups (475 ml) pre-made custard (or vanilla pudding...a normal jello packet of pudding makes about this amount)

½ cup (120ml) melted butter

2 eggs

1 teaspoon salt

6 cups (750 gr)  flour


2 cups (400g) brown sugar

2 tablespoons cinnamon

1 cup (250g)  softened butter

8 ounces (300g) cream cheese

½ cup (125g) softened butter

1 teaspoon vanilla

1.5 cups (190g) powdered/icing sugar

2-3 tablespoons milk

Combine the water, yeast and sugar in a large bowl.  Stir to dissolve and let sit until foaming.  Add the custard, butter and eggs and mix well.  Gradually add the flour until the mixture forms a soft, but not sticky dough.  Knead until smooth.  Set aside until its doubled (an hour or so)

Mix filling ingredients together. Cut dough in half and roll out each half separately to a rectangle roughly 9x13 inches on a floured surface.  Spread half of the filling across the dough.  Roll up as tightly as you can.  Cut slabs of the dough roughly 1.5-2 inches in width.  Place on a baking sheet or in a round pie pan. 

****You can now freeze the dough if you like for use later.  I put mine on a cookie sheet spaced out in the freezer for 3-4 hours and then bag them up for later.  To use frozen dough, I just toss them in a pan on the counter and let thaw for a couple of hours.*****

Before baking, let the dough rise for about 45 minutes.  Bake at 350F/180C for about 15-20 minutes.

Mix up the cream cheese frosting (I mean you could use icing, but at this stage, there is no point in saving yourself the cholesterol). Frost the warm rolls and enjoy them like they are your last...they may be.

For what its worth, I have actually survived consumption of this recipe on several occasions. In fact it has travelled with me around the world on several occasions and has not been confiscated by customs.  However, I am not a size 0 model and these rolls (along with genetics and the bacon rolls I enjoy so much) may have something to do with it.

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