Seasons are changing. I can feel the change palpably, not just the weather, but in our family the tides are turning. After a relatively quiet season where motherhood has been concerned, I can feel and see it becoming a stronger presence in my life. I stand on the doorstep of being a mother of 2 and maternity leave is fast approaching...something I have to admit I view with a lot of trepidation.
I took the first year of Ellis' life off of work and it was not a good time for us. I was lonely and drained and depressed. I missed the company of adults. I was tired of being yelled at 22 hours a day by a very fussy baby. I wanted successes that were my own. Motherhood felt like a pair of uncomfortable shoes that I had bought on a whim and was stuck with wearing forever.
I am glad to say I have moved on from that, the shoes fit a bit better now. I am more confident and comfortable in my role as it stands today. I have a more robust support network, even a mother who parents a spirited boy the same age as mine. I understand the limits of my son's sensitivities and know his (and my) limits so much better. But it is a moveable feast, often in flux, but beautiful and precious as it stands.
And so, I want to spend at least one day a week for the next few weeks or more documenting what motherhood means to me at this time as a mama of one, before I am a mama of more.
And so off to collect my thoughts...but I leave you with a question, as mothers, daughters, sons and fathers, today:
what is motherhood to you?